Today I guess I had a little bit of difficulty understanding my mood or what is going on around me. I was feeling very good in the morning and feel like I had a lot of attention. But I got up late. I ran to the classroom but I feel like I have a lot of friendly energy surrounding me. S was looking and smiling at me and J as well. But I had a little bit of trouble understanding and processing this feeling and feeling good and confidence feeling that I have. I guess the more confident I feel, the more I expect others to behave in a way that would conforms to what I hope they would behave. I would expect making an impression, a lot more validation. However, there is a problem here, because confident people shouldn’t expect people to behave in a way that would grant them validation, they should feel validated by their own no matter what, but they can just expect other people to be themselves and interact with them in a way that is true to themselves and true to the other people. Just set yourselve as an example. When you see another person is confident. For example, the instructor of the skillset workshop in haverford, he can be confident in his own way but his confidence wouldn’t influence how you behave around him. You will validate him according to his value and behavior, you wouldn’t just validate him more or demonstrate your validation to him just because he looks confident. Your validation to him would come from many many demonstration of those good qualities. And I shouldn’t treat the validation or friendly gesture from other people as an evidence of how good I am, because other people’s validation and friendly gestures towards me might just be a reciprocation of what I have given them already. Their friendly gesture doesn’t nessensarily means they are validating me, but it could be a good start of getting to know me, like settle down the road for the actual validation. Only know that validation don’t come so easily and you need to be patient about it. First, you need to validate yourself based on your repeated proven and demonstrated qualities and you also need to keep demonstrating it to other people until it has become a good and valuable quality of yourself, then you can expect to gain true validation from people. In this way, you need to be a good person first to yourself and you can practice those good values and qualities to yourself and treat yourself in a reliable and trustworthy way and then you have the skills to give it to other people.
Things to explore next
- the feeling of not feeling myself when I actually stand in other people’s perspective
- Why do I feel a big difference of mood and need to put myself in a hierarchy when other succeed and got a progress
- How to give people a good interpretation and how to present things about me and people I love to other people
